Why Every Couple Struggles With Closeness and Distance (Level 1)

Every couple feels two different needs. One is the need for unity. People want to be close, sleep together, and share everything. The other is the need for separateness. People also need time alone, their own work, and their own friends. We can compare these needs to a car. The accelerator brings people together. The brake creates distance. When a couple is in trouble, the brake and the accelerator are hard to use. One person may want too much space, and the other may want too much closeness. This causes panic and hurt. In a good relationship, both people can talk about their needs. They can say, 'Let's spend time apart tomorrow.' They can also ask to meet when they feel scared. Children also learn this balance. They need help to be close and to be independent. Thinking and talking can help adults drive the love car safely.